Pay It Forward...

Many years ago a good friend lent me a book called Pay It Forward, it has since been made into a film, but it has stayed with me since I read it and it is a good motto for life.
I am always willing to help someone out, I like to think I am someone who can be relied upon, called upon and trusted to help out. I have always viewed this as one of my better qualities, but recently I have started to question when that becomes a negative and  people start to take advantage? How do you recognise when you are being used?
My husbands threshold for willingness to help is much lower than mine, especially when it affects our family life, but even more so when the amount that I am doing means that he comes home to someone who is burnt out. Although I am someone who expects people to ask me for help, I do not ask others for help easily. I am a coper, I always have been. I am resourceful, and if I am motivated to do something, I will find a way to accomplish it. I think nothing of being the parent that takes care of flat pack and erects beds.

One friend describes me as on a permanent mission. For example I need to buy a new bookshelf, I have no car, its raining and Ikea is a 60 minute bike ride away, doesn't stop me, just has to be done...so do it!
The same friend also describes me as the one who always answers a cry for help but never cries out for herself.
Another friend has offered to pay me when I look after her son while she has to work.  I refused payment, but it does suggest to me that she knows she is asking a for bit more than a helping hand.

It gets you into trouble aswell though.  The things I do well, and others may not, like my baking and sewing get me into the most trouble.  I will offer to make the birthday cake, sometimes I am asked.  I am asked to make craft things, curtains, hem trousers etc, sometimes I offer, but everytime I do something for someone else and to their timescale a little bit of my enjoyment of the skill dies.  I feel the pressure.

How do you balance the enjoyment of your hobbies and the ability to help others, with the high expectations of yourself and them?  I am sure this is something Wonder Woman and Supergirl struggled with too, so I am in good company!

I am once again attempting to lose weight, and have been on a new program for 7 weeks now.  I have got to the point where I float between losing weight and regaining it.  I get here, think I can lose weight whenever I like and treat myself to an edible reward or 6 and then next week back to the top weight. This is a dangerous week and wouldn't you know it, its Easter!!!! This is the second time during this weight loss program that I have reached this loss and put it back on, so although I have lost 3 lbs, I am kidding myself I have lost 7lbs because I lost 4 put it back on and then lost 3 again!!
I made the mistake of announcing my 2lb weight loss this week, which of course triggers the other half into asking the questions that I don't want him to ask, like "so how much is that over all?" and "how long have you been following this one?" It also means he raises his eyebrow at every mouthful I raise to my lips!

I wonder how many calories are burnt in 30 mins of beating up your hubby?

Nightmares for Rent

One of the challenges of living abroad is having to relinquish control of the elements you have left back home.  In our case it is the house that we saved so hard to buy, lovingly refurbished, bought both our boys home from hospital to, and created so many fabulous memories in the 8 years we lived there.  It was with trepidation that we decided to let the property and have a management company look after it for us, but at the time we still wanted the fall-back of a place to return to if moving abroad went horribly wrong. 


For the last few months it has become a source of stress as the tenants have failed to pay, and we have had to chase the management company relentlessly.
We finally decided to serve notice on the tenant, and last weekend they moved out.  The saga does not end there as we hoped it might.  Instead the tenant got angry with  the management guy and refused to hand back the keys until he got his deposit back!


Now I start to wonder where these people come from?? In what world do you not pay rent for 2 months, have 3 cats on a "No Pets" contract, put a cat flap in  PVC door, leave a stain on the carpet, and expect your deposit back????

Rant over!

Happy Valentines...

Well I hope you all had a lovely Valentines day, some of us were more successful than others.  I have a friend who received a pink i-phone, others the more traditional red roses and chocolates and a few lucky girls with jewellery.  On the flip side, one friend commented that she might aswell be single, i suspect however that if she were single she would have had far more attention from admirers!
Plenty of friends were inundated with obscure red shapes with sticky collage on them proudly presented by their children as they ran from school gates, myself included.
For my own part, I baked, of course, heart shaped cookies with the kids and a big ol' cream cake to boot!  In return he cleaned the bathroom.  It was born out of necessity but actually was received by me with thanks when I came in from my Dutch language class and sank into a lovely hot bath in very sparkly surroundings!  Its the little things that count.
My favorite valentine moment came from a friend who said her husband gave her "Chocolate Angel Delight in a plastic cup, with a sparkler and 23 years so far". How sweet that the displays of one day pale into insignificance after a lifetime together.

With Love,
Vicki

Not according to plan...

So I'm wondering if other people find therapy where they least expect it?  After a pretty full on week with the kids and the sub zero temperatures, I was looking forward to a weekend where Dad took over and I could get all the things done that I just don't do when the kids are around.
He's had a tough week too so on Saturday morning when he said he was going to the lake for a quick skate (even though he also said he didn't feel well), I smiled sweetly and carried on cleaning up breakfast.  An hour later when he called to tell me he had chained the bike to a tree and lost the bunch of keys (my set incidently) I was no longer smiling but cursing him under my breath as I bundled the kids into the bakfiets, spare keys in hand to go and rescue him.  He looked particularly pathetic when I arrived, so I calmly unlocked the bike and advised him we would see him later as we were continuing with our original plans for the day, which he had vetoed the previous evening.
40 minutes of power biking later, my friend handed me a coffee and I didn't even feel the need to bitch about it all!!
The boys had a lovely time charging about the soft play and climbing frame zone and I was well rested for the bike  back.
Much the same the next day from the other half.  So while he quietly suffered in bed, we had pyjama breakfast of coco pops in front of the TV and then very casually set off for the zoo.  A few hours later and 2 very tired boys cuddling me on the tram, we were back for dinner, bath and bed.
It wasn't what I had planned for my weekend but the general pace of it was very refreshing; no school bell to beat, no wrestling into snow suits and gloves, the joy of not having to be anywhere but exactly where we were at any given time felt like a holiday.  Its not my kids that drive me mad, its their schedules!!!

Getting organised...

So as usual any distraction from the numerous unfinished jobs and un-started cleaning is a welcome distraction.  Convinced that I needed more order in my sewing room and eldest boys room, i hot footed it to Ikea with my car owning friend (flat pack is not a good look on a bakfiets). We only just got it all in the boot and did have to get the kids to sit with their knees round their ears, but we got it all home and I am proud to say that I have assembled every last bolt and dowel myself on two draw units, a kids craft table and four chairs!!

Now that one of said drawer units is in the sewing room, and the myriad of sewing paraphernalia is spread about the room waiting to be re-homed, i thought it was a good time to avoid the actual act of tidying and blog about the potential of it instead.

Not only have I abandoned the sort-out to blog, but I abandoned my Dutch language studies to construct the unit.  I am a hopeless, easily distracted kinda girl...with no homework to hand in!  Can a 32 year old woman get away with "the dog ate it"?

February already...

I can't believe February is upon us already!!  Typically I am doing a pretty poor job of keeping up with my New Year Pledge, the tartan skirt is lying in pieces and the trainers have not been past the front door in 2 weeks!  The only pledge I am making any kind of progress on is the baking, which is not helping the running or the fit of the skirt!

The other half is still crazy busy although we did have him at home this weekend for our initiation to "The Dutch on Ice".  We have been experiencing sub-zero temperatures all week and on Friday it finally broke and snowed, which would have been beautiful to watch had I not been cycling home from the school pick up on a Bakfiets with frozen gears...thank Goodness they froze in 3rd!

The boys were in fits and couldn't wait to get out in it.  As most parents know this entails 15 minutes of locating and wrestling with every glove hat scarf and welly boot you have in the house, only for them to throw one snow ball, get one back in the face and 5 minutes later you are doing it all in reverse but now the kids are crying and there is a puddle in the foyer.  Thankfully, my other half being an Aussie and a big kid at heart, he still finds snow and ice a great novelty, so he did the lions share of winter wrestling over the weekend.

The local park

The Lake at sun down

Every canal and lake that you came to was covered with families skating and sleding around, our local council had even flooded the local park 4 days earlier so that when the frost came, acres and acres of natural ice rink is created.  I just don't think you'd see it in the UK, what with health and safety gone mad, I even thought twice about sending pictures home in case someone in Europe decides the Dutch are all cracked and intervenes with new legislation.  Thankfully so far only my mother has commented that she had "chills" looking at the photos!!